On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes resembling a mysterious
system of half-submerged bamboo fences, incomprehensible in its division of the
domain of tropical fishes, and crazy of aspect as if abandoned forever by some
nomad tribe of fishermen now gone to the other end of the ocean; for there was
no sign of human habitation as far as the eye could reach. To the left a group
of barren islets, suggesting ruins of stone walls, towers, and blockhouses, had
its foundations set in a blue sea that itself looked solid, so still and stable
did it lie below my feet; even the track of light from the westering sun shone
smoothly, without that animated glitter which tells of an imperceptible ripple.
And when I turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug which had just
left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the straight line of the flat shore
joined to the stable sea, edge to edge, with a perfect and unmarked closeness,
in one leveled floor half brown, half blue under the enormous dome of the sky.
Corresponding in their insignificance to the islets of the sea, two small clumps
of trees, one on each side of the only fault in the impeccable joint, marked the
mouth of the river Meinam we had just left on the first preparatory stage of our
homeward journey; and, far back on the inland level, a larger and loftier mass,
the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda, was the only thing on which the
eye could rest from the vain task of exploring the monotonous sweep of the
horizon. Here and there gleams as of a few scattered pieces of silver marked the
windings of the great river; and on the nearest of them, just within the bar,
the tug steaming right into the land became lost to my sight, hull and funnel
and masts, as though the impassive earth had swallowed her up without an effort,
without a tremor. My eye followed the light cloud of her smoke, now here, now
there, above the plain, according to the devious curves of the stream, but
always fainter and farther away, till I lost it at last behind the miter-shaped
hill of the great pagoda. And then I was left alone with my ship, anchored at
the head of the Gulf of Siam. She floated at the starting point of a long
journey, very still in an immense stillness, the shadows of her spars flung far
to the eastward by the setting sun. At that moment I was alone on her decks.
There was not a sound in her - and around us nothing moved, nothing lived, not a
canoe on the water, not a bird in the air, not a cloud in the sky. In this
breathless pause at the threshold of a long passage we seemed to be measuring
our fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed task of both our
existences to be carried out, far from all human eyes, with only sky and sea for
spectators and for judges.
There must have been some glare in the air to interfere with one's sight,
because it was only just before the sun left us that my roaming eyes made out
beyond the highest ridges of the principal islet of the group something which
did away with the solemnity of perfect solitude. The tide of darkness flowed on
swiftly; and with tropical suddenness a swarm of stars came out above the
shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, my hand resting lightly on my ship's rail
as if on the shoulder of a trusted friend. But, with all that multitude of
celestial bodies staring down at one, the comfort of quiet communion with her
was gone for good. And there were also disturbing sounds by this time - voices,
footsteps forward; the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily ministering
spirit; a hand bell tinkled urgently under the poop deck. ...
I found my two officers waiting for me near the supper table, in the lighted
cuddy. We sat down at once, and as I helped the chief mate, I said:
"Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside the islands? I saw her
mastheads above the ridge as the sun went down."
He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a terrible growth of whisker,
and emitted his usual ejaculations: "Bless my soul, sir! You don't say so!"
My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young man, grave beyond his years, I
thought; but as our eyes happened to meet I detected a slight quiver on his
lips. I looked down at once. It was not my part to encourage sneering on board
my ship. It must be said, too, that I knew very little of my officers. In
consequence of certain events of no particular significance, except to myself, I
had been appointed to the command only a fortnight before. Neither did I know
much of the hands forward. All these people had been together for eighteen
months or so, and my position was that of the only stranger on board. I mention
this because it has some bearing on what is to follow. But what I felt most was
my being a stranger to the ship; and if all the truth must be told, I was
somewhat of a stranger to myself. The youngest man on board (barring the second
mate), and untried as yet by a position of the fullest responsibility, I was
willing to take the adequacy of the others for granted. They had simply to be
equal to their tasks; but I wondered how far I should turn out faithful to that
ideal conception of one's own personality every man sets up for himself
secretly.
Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect of collaboration on the
part of his round eyes and frightful whiskers, was trying to evolve a theory of
the anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all things into earnest
consideration. He was of a painstaking turn of mind. As he used to say, he
"liked to account to himself" for practically everything that came in his way,
down to a miserable scorpion he had found in his cabin a week before. The why
and the wherefore of that scorpion - how it got on board and came to select his
room rather than the pantry (which was a dark place and more what a scorpion
would be partial to), and how on earth it managed to drown itself in the inkwell
of his writing desk - had exercised him infinitely. The ship within the islands
was much more easily accounted for; and just as we were about to rise from table
he made his pronouncement. She was, he doubted not, a ship from home lately
arrived. Probably she drew too much water to cross the bar except at the top of
spring tides. Therefore she went into that natural harbor to wait for a few days
in preference to remaining in an open roadstead.
"That's so," confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in his slightly hoarse voice.
"She draws over twenty feet. She's the Liverpool ship Sephora with a cargo of
coal. Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff."
We looked at him in surprise.
"The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board for your letters, sir,"
explained the young man. "He expects to take her up the river the day after
tomorrow."
After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his information he slipped out of
the cabin. The mate observed regretfully that he "could not account for that
young fellow's whims." What prevented him telling us all about it at once, he
wanted to know.
I detained him as he was making a move. For the last two days the crew had had
plenty of hard work, and the night before they had very little sleep. I felt
painfully that I - a stranger - was doing something unusual when I directed him
to let all hands turn in without setting an anchor watch. I proposed to keep on
deck myself till one o'clock or thereabouts. I would get the second mate to
relieve me at that hour.
"He will turn out the cook and the steward at four," I concluded, "and then give
you a call. Of course at the slightest sign of any sort of wind we'll have the
hands up and make a start at once."
He concealed his astonishment. "Very well, sir." Outside the cuddy he put his
head in the second mate's door to inform him of my unheard-of caprice to take a
five hours' anchor watch on myself. I heard the other raise his voice
incredulously - "What? The Captain himself?" Then a few more murmurs, a door
closed, then another. A few moments later I went on deck.
My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had prompted that unconventional
arrangement, as if I had expected in those solitary hours of the night to get on
terms with the ship of which I knew nothing, manned by men of whom I knew very
little more. Fast alongside a wharf, littered like any ship in port with a
tangle of unrelated things, invaded by unrelated shore people, I had hardly seen
her yet properly. Now, as she lay cleared for sea, the stretch of her main-deck
seemed to me very find under the stars. Very fine, very roomy for her size, and
very inviting. I descended the poop and paced the waist, my mind picturing to
myself the coming passage through the Malay Archipelago, down the Indian Ocean,
and up the Atlantic. All its phases were familiar enough to me, every
characteristic, all the alternatives which were likely to face me on the high
seas - everything! ... except the novel responsibility of command. But I took
heart from the reasonable thought that the ship was like other ships, the men
like other men, and that the sea was not likely to keep any special surprises
expressly for my discomfiture.
Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought myself of a cigar and went
below to get it. All was still down there. Everybody at the after end of the
ship was sleeping profoundly. I came out again on the quarter-deck, agreeably at
ease in my sleeping suit on that warm breathless night, barefooted, a glowing
cigar in my teeth, and, going forward, I was met by the profound silence of the
fore end of the ship. Only as I passed the door of the forecastle, I heard a
deep, quiet, trustful sigh of some sleeper inside. And suddenly I rejoiced in
the great security of the sea as compared with the unrest of the land, in my
choice of that untempted life presenting no disquieting problems, invested with
an elementary moral beauty by the absolute straightforwardness of its appeal and
by the singleness of its purpose.
The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, untroubled, as if
symbolic, flame, confident and bright in the mysterious shades of the night.
Passing on my way aft along the other side of the ship, I observed that the rope
side ladder, put over, no doubt, for the master of the tug when he came to fetch
away our letters, had not been hauled in as it should have been. I became
annoyed at this, for exactitude in some small matters is the very soul of
discipline. Then I reflected that I had myself peremptorily dismissed my
officers from duty, and by my own act had prevented the anchor watch being
formally set and things properly attended to. I asked myself whether it was wise
ever to interfere with the established routine of duties even from the kindest
of motives. My action might have made me appear eccentric. Goodness only knew
how that absurdly whiskered mate would "account" for my conduct, and what the
whole ship thought of that informality of their new captain. I was vexed with
myself.
Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were mechanically, I proceeded to get
the ladder in myself. Now a side ladder of that sort is a light affair and
comes in easily, yet my vigorous tug, which should have brought it flying on
board, merely recoiled upon my body in a totally unexpected jerk. What the
devil! ... I was so astounded by the immovableness of that ladder that I
remained stockstill, trying to account for it to myself like that imbecile mate
of mine. In the end, of course, I put my head over the rail.
The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow on the darkling glassy
shimmer of the sea. But I saw at once something elongated and pale floating
very close to the ladder. Before I could form a guess a faint flash of
phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly from the naked body of a
man, flickered in the sleeping water with the elusive, silent play of summer
lightning in a night sky. With a gasp I saw revealed to my stare a pair of
feet, the long legs, a broad livid back immersed right up to the neck in a
greenish cadaverous glow. One hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the
ladder. He was complete but for the head. A headless corpse! The cigar dropped
out of my gaping mouth with a tiny plop and a short hiss quite audible in the
absolute stillness of all things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up
his face, a dimly pale oval in the shadow of the ship's side. But even then I
could only barely make out down there the shape of his black-haired head.
However, it was enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation which had gripped
me about the chest to pass off. The moment of vain exclamations was past, too.
I only climbed on the spare spar and leaned over the rail as far as I could, to
bring my eyes nearer to that mystery floating alongside.
As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, the sea lightning played about
his limbs at every stir; and he appeared in it ghastly, silvery, fishlike. He
remained as mute as a fish, too. He made no motion to get out of the water,
either. It was inconceivable that he should not attempt to come on board, and
strangely troubling to suspect that perhaps he did not want to. And my first
words were prompted by just that troubled incertitude.
"What's the matter?" I asked in my ordinary tone, speaking down to the face
upturned exactly under mine.
"Cramp," it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, "I say, no need to call
anyone."
"I was not going to," I said.
"Are you alone on deck?"
"Yes."
I had somehow the impression that he was on the point of letting go the ladder
to swim away beyond my ken - mysterious as he came. But, for the moment, this
being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the sea (it was certainly
the nearest land to the ship) wanted only to know the time. I told him. And he,
down there, tentatively:
"I suppose your captain's turned in?"
"I am sure he isn't," I said.
He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard something like the low, bitter
murmur of doubt. "What's the good?" His next words came out with a hesitating
effort.
"Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?"
I thought the time Had come to declare myself.
"I am the captain."
I heard a "By Jove!" whispered at the level of the water. The phosphorescence
flashed in the swirl of the water all about his limbs, his other hand seized the
ladder.
"My name's Leggatt."
The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The self-possession of that man
had somehow induced a corresponding state in myself. It was very quietly that I
remarked:
"You must be a good swimmer."
"Yes. I've been in the water practically since nine o'clock. The question for
me now is whether I am to let go this ladder and go on swimming till I sink from
exhaustion, or - to come on board here."
I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, but a real alternative in
the view of a strong soul. I should have gathered from this that he was young;
indeed, it is only the young who are ever confronted by such clear issues. But
at the time it was pure intuition on my part. A mysterious communication was
established already between us two - in the face of that silent, darkened
tropical sea. I was young, too; young enough to make no comment. The man in the
water began suddenly to climb up the ladder, and I hastened away from the rail
to fetch some clothes.
Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in the lobby at the foot of
the stairs. A faint snore came through the closed door of the chief mate's
room. The second mate's door was on the hook, but the darkness in there was
absolutely soundless. He, too, was young and could sleep like a stone.
Remained the steward, but he was not likely to wake up before he was called. I
got a sleeping suit out of my room and, coming back on deck, saw the naked man
from the sea sitting on the main hatch, glimmering white in the darkness, his
elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. In a moment he had concealed his
damp body in a sleeping suit of the same gray-stripe pattern as the one I was
wearing and followed me like my double on the poop. Together we moved right aft,
barefooted, silent.
"What is it?" I asked in a deadened voice, taking the lighted lamp out of the
binnacle, and raising it to his face.
"An ugly business."
He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light eyes under somewhat heavy,
dark eyebrows; a smooth, square forehead; no growth on his cheeks; a small,
brown mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. His expression was concentrated,
meditative, under the inspecting light of the lamp I held up to his face; such
as a man thinking hard in solitude might wear. My sleeping suit was just right
for his size. A well-knit young fellow of twenty-five at most. He caught his
lower lip with the edge of white, even teeth.
"Yes," I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. The warm, heavy tropical
night closed upon his head again.
"There's a ship over there," he murmured.
"Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?"
"Hadn't the slightest idea. I am the mate of her - " He paused and corrected
himself. "I should say I was."
"Aha! Something wrong?"
"Yes. Very wrong indeed. I've killed a man."
"What do you mean? Just now?"
"No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. When I say a man - "
"Fit of temper," I suggested, confidently.
The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod imperceptibly above the ghostly
gray of my sleeping suit. It was, in the night, as though I had been faced by
my own reflection in the depths of a somber and immense mirror.
"A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway boy," murmured my double,
distinctly.
"You're a Conway boy?"
"I am," he said, as if startled. Then, slowly ... "Perhaps you too - "
It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left before he joined. After
a quick interchange of dates a silence fell; and I thought suddenly of my absurd
mate with his terrific whiskers and the "Bless my soul - you don't say so" type
of intellect. My double gave me an inkling of his thoughts by saying: "My
father's a parson in Norfolk. Do you see me before a judge and jury on that
charge? For myself I can't see the necessity. There are fellows that an angel
from heaven - And I am not that. He was one of those creatures that are just
simmering all the time with a silly sort of wickedness. Miserable devils that
have no business to live at all. He wouldn't do his duty and wouldn't let
anybody else do theirs. But what's the good of talking! You know well enough
the sort of ill-conditioned snarling cur - "
He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as identical as our clothes.
And I knew well enough the pestiferous danger of such a character where there
are no means of legal repression. And I knew well enough also that my double
there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not think of asking him for details, and
he told me the story roughly in brusque, disconnected sentences. I needed no
more. I saw it all going on as though I were myself inside that other sleeping
suit.
"It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at dusk. Reefed foresail!
You understand the sort of weather. The only sail we had left to keep the ship
running; so you may guess what it had been like for days. Anxious sort of job,
that. He gave me some of his cursed insolence at the sheet. I tell you I was
overdone with this terrific weather that seemed to have no end to it. Terrific,
I tell you - and a deep ship. I believe the fellow himself was half crazed with
funk. It was no time for gentlemanly reproof, so I turned round and felled him
like an ox. He up and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for the ship.
All hands saw it coming and took to the rigging, but I had him by the throat,
and went on shaking him like a rat, the men above us yelling, 'Look out! look
out!' Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. They say that for over
ten minutes hardly anything was to be seen of the ship - just the three masts
and a bit of the forecastle head and of the poop all awash driving along in a
smother of foam. It was a miracle that they found us, jammed together behind the
forebitts. It's clear that I meant business, because I was holding him by the
throat still when they picked us up. He was black in the face. It was too much
for them. It seems they rushed us aft together, gripped as we were, screaming
'Murder!' like a lot of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. And the ship running
for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute her last in a sea fit to
turn your hair gray only a-looking at it. I understand that the skipper, too,
started raving like the rest of them. The man had been deprived of sleep for
more than a week, and to have this sprung on him at the height of a furious gale
nearly drove him out of his mind. I wonder they didn't fling me overboard after
getting the carcass of their precious shipmate out of my fingers. They had
rather a job to separate us, I've been told. A sufficiently fierce story to
make an old judge and a respectable jury sit up a bit. The first thing I heard
when I came to myself was the maddening howling of that endless gale, and on
that the voice of the old man. He was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my
face out of his sou'wester.
"'Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no longer as chief mate of
this ship.'"
His care to subdue his voice made it sound monotonous. He rested a hand on the
end of the skylight to steady himself with, and all that time did not stir a
limb, so far as I could see. "Nice little tale for a quiet tea party," he
concluded in the same tone.
One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; neither did I stir a
limb, so far as I knew. We stood less than a foot from each other. It occurred
to me that if old "Bless my soul - you don't say so" were to put his head up the
companion and catch sight of us, he would think he was seeing double, or imagine
himself come upon a scene of weird witchcraft; the strange captain having a
quiet confabulation by the wheel with his own gray ghost. I became very much
concerned to prevent anything of the sort. I heard the other's soothing
undertone.
"My father's a parson in Norfolk," it said. Evidently he had forgotten he had
told me this important fact before. Truly a nice little tale.
"You had better slip down into my stateroom now," I said, moving off stealthily.
My double followed my movements; our bare feet made no sound; I let him in,
closed the door with care, and, after giving a call to the second mate, returned
on deck for my relief.
"Not much sign of any wind yet," I remarked when he approached.
"No, sir. Not much," he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse voice, with just
enough deference, no more, and barely suppressing a yawn.
"Well, that's all you have to look out for. You have got your orders."
"Yes, sir."
I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take up his position face forward
with his elbow in the ratlines of the mizzen rigging before I went below. The
mate's faint snoring was still going on peacefully. The cuddy lamp was burning
over the table on which stood a vase with flowers, a polite attention from the
ship's provision merchant - the last flowers we should see for the next three
months at the very least. Two bunches of bananas hung from the beam
symmetrically, one on each side of the rudder casing. Everything was as before
in the ship - except that two of her captain's sleeping suits were
simultaneously in use, one motionless in the cuddy, the other keeping very still
in the captain's stateroom.
It must be explained here that my cabin had the form of the capital letter L,
the door being within the angle and opening into the short part of the letter.
A couch was to the left, the bed place to the right; my writing desk and the
chronometers' table faced the door. But anyone opening it, unless he stepped
right inside, had no view of what I call the long (or vertical) part of the
letter. It contained some lockers surmounted by a bookcase; and a few clothes, a
thick jacket or two, caps, oilskin coat, and such like, hung on hooks. There was
at the bottom of that part a door opening into my bathroom, which could be
entered also directly from the saloon. But that way was never used.
The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage of this particular shape.
Entering my room, lighted strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung on gimbals above
my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he stepped out quietly from
behind the coats hung in the recessed part.
"I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at once," he whispered.
I, too, spoke under my breath.
"Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking and getting permission."
He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, as though he had been ill.
And no wonder. He had been, I heard presently, kept under arrest in his cabin
for nearly seven weeks. But there was nothing sickly in his eyes or in his
expression. He was not a bit like me, really; yet, as we stood leaning over my
bed place, whispering side by side, with our dark heads together and our backs
to the door, anybody bold enough to open it stealthily would have been treated
to the uncanny sight of a double captain busy talking in whispers with his other
self.
"But all this doesn't tell me how you came to hang on to our side ladder," I
inquired, in the hardly audible murmurs we used, after he had told me something
more of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the bad weather was over.
"When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think all those matters out several
times over. I had six weeks of doing nothing else, and with only an hour or so
every evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck."
He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed place, staring through the
open port. And I could imagine perfectly the manner of this thinking out - a
stubborn if not a steadfast operation; something of which I should have been
perfectly incapable.
"I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the land," he continued, so
low that I had to strain my hearing near as we were to each other, shoulder
touching shoulder almost. "So I asked to speak to the old man. He always seemed
very sick when he came to see me - as if he could not look me in the face. You
know, that foresail saved the ship. She was too deep to have run long under bare
poles. And it was I that managed to set it for him. Anyway, he came. When I had
him in my cabin - he stood by the door looking at me as if I had the halter
round my neck already - I asked him right away to leave my cabin door unlocked
at night while the ship was going through Sunda Straits. There would be the Java
coast within two or three miles, off Angier Point. I wanted nothing more. I've
had a prize for swimming my second year in the Conway."
"I can believe it," I breathed out.
"God only knows why they locked me in every night. To see some of their faces
you'd have thought they were afraid I'd go about at night strangling people. Am
I a murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I had been he wouldn't have
trusted himself like that into my room. You'll say I might have chucked him
aside and bolted out, there and then - it was dark already. Well, no. And for
the same reason I wouldn't think of trying to smash the door. There would have
been a rush to stop me at the noise, and I did not mean to get into a confounded
scrimmage. Somebody else might have got killed - for I would not have broken out
only to get chucked back, and I did not want any more of that work. He refused,
looking more sick than ever. He was afraid of the men, and also of that old
second mate of his who had been sailing with him for years - a gray-headed old
humbug; and his steward, too, had been with him devil knows how long -
seventeen years or more - a dogmatic sort of loafer who hated me like poison,
just because I was the chief mate. No chief mate ever made more than one voyage
in the Sephora, you know. Those two old chaps ran the ship. Devil only knows
what the skipper wasn't afraid of (all his nerve went to pieces altogether in
that hellish spell of bad weather we had) - of what the law would do to him - of
his wife, perhaps. Oh, yes! she's on board. Though I don't think she would have
meddled. She would have been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any
way. The 'brand of Cain' business, don't you see. That's all right. I was ready
enough to go off wandering on the face of the earth - and that was price enough
to pay for an Abel of that sort. Anyhow, he wouldn't listen to me. 'This thing
must take its course. I represent the law here.' He was shaking like a leaf.
'So you won't?' 'No!' 'Then I hope you will be able to sleep on that,' I said,
and turned my back on him. 'I wonder that you can,' cries he, and locks the
door.
"Well after that, I couldn't. Not very well. That was three weeks ago. We have
had a slow passage through the Java Sea; drifted about Carimata for ten days.
When we anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was all right. The nearest
land (and that's five miles) is the ship's destination; the consul would soon
set about catching me; and there would have been no object in bolding to these
islets there. I don't suppose there's a drop of water on them. I don't know how
it was, but tonight that steward, after bringing me my supper, went out to let
me eat it, and left the door unlocked. And I ate it - all there was, too. After
I had finished I strolled out on the quarter-deck. I don't know that I meant to
do anything. A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I believe. Then a sudden
temptation came over me. I kicked off my slippers and was in the water before I
had made up my mind fairly. Somebody heard the splash and they raised an awful
hullabaloo. 'He's gone! Lower the boats! He's committed suicide! No, he's
swimming.' Certainly I was swimming. It's not so easy for a swimmer like me to
commit suicide by drowning. I landed on the nearest islet before the boat left
the ship's side. I heard them pulling about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but
after a bit they gave up. Everything quieted down and the anchorage became
still as death. I sat down on a stone and began to think. I felt certain they
would start searching for me at daylight. There was no place to hide on those
stony things - and if there had been, what would have been the good? But now I
was clear of that ship, I was not going back. So after a while I took off all my
clothes, tied them up in a bundle with a stone inside, and dropped them in the
deep water on the outer side of that islet. That was suicide enough for me. Let
them think what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to swim
till I sank - but that's not the same thing. I struck out for another of these
little islands, and it was from that one that I first saw your riding light.
Something to swim for. I went on easily, and on the way I came upon a flat rock
a foot or two above water. In the daytime, I dare say, you might make it out
with a glass from your poop. I scrambled up on it and rested myself for a bit.
Then I made another start. That last spell must have been over a mile."
His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the time he stared straight
out through the porthole, in which there was not even a star to be seen. I had
not interrupted him. There was something that made comment impossible in his
narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of feeling, a quality, which I can't
find a name for. And when he ceased, all I found was a futile whisper: "So you
swam for our light?"
"Yes - straight for it. It was something to swim for. I couldn't see any stars
low down because the coast was in the way, and I couldn't see the land, either.
The water was like glass. One might have been swimming in a confounded thousand-
feet deep cistern with no place for scrambling out anywhere; but what I didn't
like was the notion of swimming round and round like a crazed bullock before I
gave out; and as I didn't mean to go back. . . No. Do you see me being hauled
back, stark naked, off one of these little islands by the scruff of the neck and
fighting like a wild beast? Somebody would have got killed for certain, and I
did not want any of that. So I went on. Then your ladder - "
"Why didn't you hail the ship?" I asked, a little louder.
He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came right over our heads and
stopped. The second mate had crossed from the other side of the poop and might
have been hanging over the rail for all we knew.
"He couldn't hear us talking - could he?" My double breathed into my very ear,
anxiously.
His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the question I had put to
him. An answer containing all the difficulty of that situation. I closed the
porthole quietly, to make sure. A louder word might have been overheard.
"Who's that?" he whispered then.
"My second mate. But I don't know much more of the fellow than you do."
And I told him a little about myself. I had been appointed to take charge while
I least expected anything of the sort, not quite a fortnight ago. I didn't know
either the ship or the people. Hadn't had the time in port to look about me or
size anybody up. And as to the crew, all they knew was that I was appointed to
take the ship home. For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on board
as himself, I said. And at the moment I felt it most acutely. I felt that it
would take very little to make me a suspect person in the eyes of the ship's
company.
He had turned about meantime; and we, the two strangers in the ship, faced each
other in identical attitudes.
"Your ladder - " he murmured, after a silence. "Who'd have thought of finding a
ladder hanging over at night in a ship anchored out here! I felt just then a
very unpleasant faintness. After the life I've been leading for nine weeks,
anybody would have got out of condition. I wasn't capable of swimming round as
far as your rudder chains. And, lo and behold! there was a ladder to get hold
of. After I gripped it I said to myself, 'What's the good?' When I saw a man's
head looking over I thought I would swim away presently and leave him shouting -
in whatever language it was. I didn't mind being looked at. I - I liked it.
And then you speaking to me so quietly - as if you had expected me - made me
hold on a little longer. It had been a confounded lonely time - I don't mean
while swimming. I was glad to talk a little to somebody that didn't belong to
the Sephora. As to asking for the captain, that was a mere impulse. It could
have been no use, with all the ship knowing about me and the other people pretty
certain to be round here in the morning. I don't know - I wanted to be seen,
to talk with somebody, before I went on. I don't know what I would have said.
... 'Fine night, isn't it?' or something of the sort."
"Do you think they will be round here presently?" I asked with some incredulity.
"Quite likely," he said, faintly.
"He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head rolled on his shoulders.
"H'm. We shall see then. Meantime get into that bed," I whispered. "Want help?
There."
It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath. This amazing
swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg. He tumbled in,
rolled over on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. And then, with his
face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly as I used to look in that bed.
I gazed upon my other self for a while before drawing across carefully the two
green serge curtains which ran on a brass rod. I thought for a moment of pinning
them together for greater safety, but I sat down on the couch, and once there I
felt unwilling to rise and hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was
extremely tired, in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain of stealthiness, by
the effort of whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement. It was
three o'clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I was not sleepy;
I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, fagged out, looking at the
curtains, trying to clear my mind of the confused sensation of being in two
places at once, and greatly bothered by an exasperating knocking in my head. It
was a relief to discover suddenly that it was not in my head at all, but on the
outside of the door. Before I could collect myself the words "Come in" were out
of my mouth, and the steward entered with a tray, bringing in my morning coffee.
I had slept, after all, and I was so frightened that I shouted, "This way! I am
here, steward," as though he had been miles away. He put down the tray on the
table next the couch and only then said, very quietly, "I can see you are here,
sir." I felt him give me a keen look, but I dared not meet his eyes just then.
He must have wondered why I had drawn the curtains of my bed before going to
sleep on the couch. He went out, hooking the door open as usual.
I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I would have been told at once
if there had been any wind. Calm, I thought, and I was doubly vexed. Indeed, I
felt dual more than ever. The steward reappeared suddenly in the doorway. I
jumped up from the couch so quickly that he gave a start.
"What do you want here?"
"Close your port, sir - they are washing decks."
"It is closed," I said, reddening.
"Very well, sir." But he did not move from the doorway and returned my stare in
an extraordinary, equivocal manner for a time. Then his eyes wavered, all his
expression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, almost coaxingly:
"May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?"
"Of course!" I turned my back on him while he popped in and out. Then I
unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt. This sort of thing could
not go on very long. The cabin was as hot as an oven, too. I took a peep at my
double, and discovered that he had not moved, his arm was still over his eyes;
but his chest heaved; his hair was wet; his chin glistened with perspiration. I
reached over him and opened the port.
"I must show myself on deck," I reflected.
Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with no one to say nay to me
within the whole circle of the horizon; but to lock my cabin door and take the
key away I did not dare. Directly I put my head out of the companion I saw the
group of my two officers, the second mate barefooted, the chief mate in long
India-rubber boots, near the break of the poop, and the steward halfway down the
poop ladder talking to them eagerly. He happened to catch sight of me and dived,
the second ran down on the main-deck shouting some order or other, and the chief
mate came to meet me, touching his cap.
There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like. I don't know
whether the steward had told them that I was "queer" only, or downright drunk,
but I know the man meant to have a good look at me. I watched him coming with a
smile which, as he got into point-blank range, took effect and froze his very
whiskers. I did not give him time to open his lips.
"Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast."
It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship; and I stayed
on deck to see it executed, too. I had felt the need of asserting myself
without loss of time. That sneering young cub got taken down a peg or two on
that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of having a good look at the
face of every foremast man as they filed past me to go to the after braces. At
breakfast time, eating nothing myself, I presided with such frigid dignity that
the two mates were only too glad to escape from the cabin as soon as decency
permitted; and all the time the dual working of my mind distracted me almost to
the point of insanity. I was constantly watching myself, my secret self, as
dependent on my actions as my own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that
door which faced me as I sat at the head of the table. It was very much like
being mad, only it was worse because one was aware of it.
I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last he opened his eyes it
was in the full possession of his senses, with an inquiring look.
"All's well so far," I whispered. "Now you must vanish into the bathroom."
He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for the steward, and facing
him boldly, directed him to tidy up my stateroom while I was having my bath -
"and be quick about it." As my tone admitted of no excuses, he said, "Yes,
sir," and ran off to fetch his dustpan and brushes. I took a bath and did most
of my dressing, splashing, and whistling softly for the steward's edification,
while the secret sharer of my life stood drawn up bolt upright in that little
space, his face looking very sunken in daylight, his eyelids lowered under the
stern, dark line of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight frown.
When I left him there to go back to my room the steward was finishing dusting.
I sent for the mate and engaged him in some insignificant conversation. It was,
as it were, trifling with the terrific character of his whiskers; but my object
was to give him an opportunity for a good look at my cabin. And then I could at
last shut, with a clear conscience, the door of my stateroom and get my double
back into the recessed part. There was nothing else for it. He had to sit still
on a small folding stool, half smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. We
listened to the steward going into the bathroom out of the saloon, filling the
water bottles there, scrubbing the bath, setting things to rights, whisk, bang,
clatter - out again into the saloon - turn the key - click. Such was my scheme
for keeping my second self invisible. Nothing better could be contrived under
the circumstances. And there we sat; I at my writing desk ready to appear busy
with some papers, he behind me out of sight of the door. It would not have been
prudent to talk in daytime; and I could not have stood the excitement of that
queer sense of whispering to myself. Now and then, glancing over my shoulder, I
saw him far back there, sitting rigidly on the low stool, his bare feet close
together, his arms folded, his head hanging on his breast - and perfectly still.
Anybody would have taken him for me.
I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to glance over my shoulder.
I was looking at him when a voice outside the door said:
"Beg pardon, sir."
"Well! ... I kept my eyes on him, and so when the voice outside the door
announced, "There's a ship's boat coming our way, sir," I saw him give a start -
the first movement he had made for hours. But he did not raise his bowed head.
"All right. Get the ladder over."
I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But what? His immobility
seemed to have been never disturbed. What could I tell him he did not know
already? ... Finally I went on deck.