II
TRINCO
The sovereign Nation had taken possession of the lands of the nobility and
clergy to sell them at a low price to the middle classes and the peasants. The
middle classes and the peasants thought that the revolution was a good thing for
acquiring lands and a bad one for retaining them.
The legislators of the Republic made terrible laws for the defence of
property, and decreed death to anyone who should propose a division of wealth.
But that did not avail the Republic. The peasants who had become proprietors
bethought themselves that though it had made them rich, the Republic had
nevertheless caused a disturbance to wealth, and they desired a system more
respectful of private property and more capable of assuring the permanence of
the new institutions.
They had not long to wait. The Republic, like Agrippina, bore her destroyer
in her bosom.
Having great wars to carry on, it created military forces, and these were
destined both to save it and to destroy it. Its legislators thought they could
restrain their generals by the fear of punishment, but if they sometimes cut off
the heads of unlucky soldiers they could not do the same to the fortunate
soldiers who obtained over it the advantages of having saved its existence.
In the enthusiasm of victory the renovated Penguins delivered themselves up
to a dragon, more terrible than that of their fables, who, like a stork amongst
frogs, devoured them for fourteen years with his insatiable beak.
Half a century after the reign of the new dragon a young Maharajah of Malay,
called Djambi, desirous, like the Scythian Anacharsis, of instructing himself by
travel, visited Penguinia and wrote an interesting account of his travels. I
transcribe the first page of his account:
ACCOUNT OF THE TRAVELS OF YOUNG DJAMBI IN PENGUINIA
After a voyage of ninety days I landed at the vast and deserted port of the
Penguins and travelled over untilled fields to their ruined capital. Surrounded
by ramparts and full of barracks and arsenals it had a martial though desolate
appearance. Feeble and crippled men wandered proudly through the streets,
wearing old uniforms and carrying rusty weapons.
"What do you want?" I was rudely asked at the gate of the city by a soldier
whose moustaches pointed to the skies.
"Sir," I answered, "I come as an inquirer to visit this island."
"It is not an island," replied the soldier.
"What!" I exclaimed, "Penguin Island is not an island?"
"No, sir, it is an insula. It was formerly called an island, but for a
century it has been decreed that it shall bear the name of insula. It is the
only insula in the whole universe. Have you a passport?"
"Here it is."
"Go and get it signed at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs."
A lame guide who conducted me came to a pause in a vast square.
"The insula," said he, "has given birth, as you know, to Trinco, the greatest
genius of the universe, whose statue you see before you. That obelisk standing
to your right commemorates Trinco's birth; the column that rises to your left
has Trinco crowned with a diadem upon its summit. You see here the triumphal
arch dedicated to the glory of Trinco and his family."
"What extraordinary feat has Trinco performed?" I asked.
"War."
"That is nothing extraordinary. We Malayans make war constantly."
"That may be, but Trinco is the greatest warrior of all countries and all
times. There never existed a greater conqueror than he. As you anchored in our
port you saw to the east a volcanic island called Ampelophoria, shaped like a
cone, and of small size, but renowned for its wines. And to the west a larger
island which raises to the sky a long range of sharp teeth; for this reason it
is called the Dog's Jaws. It is rich in copper mines. We possessed both before
Trinco's reign and they were the boundaries of our empire. Trinco extended the
Penguin dominion over the Archipelago of the Turquoises and the Green Continent,
subdued the gloomy Porpoises, and planted his flag amid the icebergs of the Pole
and on the burning sands of the African deserts. He raised troops in all the
countries he conquered, and when his armies marched past in the wake of our own
light infantry, our island grenadiers, our hussars, our dragoons, our artillery,
and our engineers there were to be seen yellow soldiers looking in their blue
armour like crayfish standing on their tails; red men with parrots' plumes,
tattooed with solar and Phallic emblems, and with quivers of poisoned arrows
resounding on their backs; naked blacks armed only with their teeth and nails;
pygmies riding on cranes; gorillas carrying trunks of trees and led by an old
ape who wore upon his hairy breast the cross of the Legion of Honour. And all
those troops, led to Trinco's banner by the most ardent patriotism, flew on from
victory to victory, and in thirty years of war Trinco conquered half the known
world."
"What!" cried I, "you possess half of the world."
"Trinco conquered it for us, and Trinco lost it to us. As great in his
defeats as in his victories he surrendered all that he had conquered. He even
allowed those two islands we possessed before his time, Ampelophoria and the
Dog's Jaws, to be taken from us. He left Penguinia impoverished and depopulated.
The flower of the insula perished in his wars. At the time of his fall there
were left in our country none but the hunchbacks and cripples from whom we are
descended. But he gave us glory."
"He made you pay dearly for it!"
"Glory never costs too much," replied my guide.
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